Posted by: nichole | January 2, 2019

Don’t let you hold you back

Nichole's GraduationWe are fresh into 2019 and many people have been reflecting on their 2018 accomplishments, myself included. If you follow me on any of my social platforms, you already know about one of my biggest 2018 accomplishments — I got my B.A. degree in Organizational Leadership. I have been cautious of the line of when this becomes old news especially since most of my friends and peers received their degrees some time ago. But then I catch myself. THIS IS A BIG FRIGGIN DEAL! I’m not 22 and my sole focus was school. I’m a grown ass woman with other stuff going on. I worked full-time, served in various capacities at my church, and became a organizational and time management wiz to ensure I never received a grade less than a A- in any of my classes. Beginning in Fall 2016 through December 2018, I have taken to 30 classes, one lab and received all A’s except for 2 A-‘s. I made the Provost’s List twice, the President’s list twice and would have made them in the summers if they were available. Yes, I was in school during the summer too. It is a big deal! I was able to do this because I didn’t let “me” get in the way.

I don’t know about you but I have let “me” get in the way of a lot of opportunities. Most often it has been my own negative thinking that has been defeating before I can even start. The “I’m not good enough” or the “there is someone better and you aren’t equipped.” There is also what I am now calling the comparison wall. It is when you compare yourself to someone else and you put up a wall bricking yourself in from your potential. “Comparison is the thief of joy” but it is also the thief of progress.

In 2018 I didn’t let me get in the way of some of my fears, heights being a main one. I zip lined and walked across a couple of hanging bridges. I was also a little less body conscious on a trip in Costa Rica. Being overly concerned about the thoughts of strangers, who by the way don’t know me or anything about me, was also a way I let “me” hold me back.

Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.” This scripture is not saying I can go out right now and fly a plane. I don’t know how to fly a plane. I don’t have a license or for that matter, a plane to fly. No one would (nor should they) entrust me with their plane. But there are things in me, in my hands, and heart for which I am capable. If I didn’t believe God was opening the door for me to return to school, I would not have done it. I realized it was bigger than me and therefore, not only about me. I love to encourage people to step out, be courageous, go for their dreams, and provide them with steps and advice in how they can get started. But as I have been doing that, I have been doing it from the sidelines. I wasn’t in the race, practicing what I was preaching. I dislike that in others and hated it in myself.

Many marathon runners are cautious before the first race. After it’s done, you can find many of those same runners signing up for another race to run because they didn’t let the first race hold them back. Sometimes you don’t know what you can do until you do it. At least try.

I started working on a couple of projects that have been stirring in my spirit. Wouldn’t you know the minute I started writing out the concepts of one, I saw that someone else has done it. But guess what? They haven’t done it the way I’m doing it. Before, I would have just stopped because this person is a bigger name with more followers and more clout than me. That would have been enough for me to put up the comparison wall. Now I have a better understanding that what I am doing is for me and the me’s of this world. If I don’t put this project in motion, I’m missing an opportunity to encourage someone who needs it. And for the entourage in me, that’s not acceptable.

Don’t let you hold you back. Someone needs to see you takes steps toward your dreams so they are encouraged to take steps toward theirs.

Happy 2019!

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Posted by: nichole | December 31, 2017

My 7 biggest lessons from 2017

Nichole's self portrait

My silhouette and words that capture my unique identity

One of my biggest regrets in 2017 (and I try not to have regrets) is how much I neglected my blog this year. Believe me, this year more than any others since I started the blog in 2007, there was MUCH to talk/write about especially in the political landscape. Yikes! I mean DAMN! Really? I started so many blog posts but because they went off the rails because I began to rail on people (you can probably guess who those people were) I chose not to publish them. Was I venting in these unpublished post? Yes, to some extent but mostly I was calling people, a lot of people out on their bullshit.  BTW, I am still very much a Christian, working diligently to live a Christian lifestyle but sometimes curse words have a place to punctuate and express exactly how I am feeling. Judge if you will. I am very OK with your judgment. Which leads me to what I learned or was reminded of in 2017.

  1. My faith and my relationship with God is non-negotiable.
  2. My voice is worthy of being heard because
    1. I have something to say,
    2. what I am saying comes from experience or insight or deep reflection or from the knowledge I have gained, and
    3. I don’t speak just to hear myself talk but because I have a deep compassion for helping others and making a difference.
  3. I am a great leader. Letting the past or what someone has said in the past about me being a leader has NOTHING to do with my present or my future. This year, my leadership skills were put to use like never before and I know I was able to make an impact in the lives of others because they told me.
  4. Women, especially African American women, are incredible. Of course, I knew this being an African American woman myself (wink wink), but this year…we ruled and reminded the world of our greatness. In my circle and community of African American women, I have seen them do some incredible things this year and I am excited about 2018 because they/we are not done. This isn’t just about the Senate seat vote in Alabama, although that was part of the icing on the cake. As Auntie Maxine said, “WE ARE RECLAIMING OUR TIME!” Women such as Maxine Waters, Ava DuVernay, Angela Rye, Sloane Stephens, Serena Williams, Lena Waithe, Tarana Burke, Keisha Lance Bottoms, Issa Rae, Symone Sanders, Vi Lyles, and Jemele Hill, are only a few notable African American women who not only took the spotlight this year but dominated the field whichever one they played on. We are not done!
  5. An individual does have the power to create change. Sometimes people will talk themselves out of doing something because they feel they can’t help everyone or what they do won’t make an impact. That’s just not true. Every little bit helps because that “little bit” to you is “a lot” to someone else. Plus, all you have to do is help one. You never know how that help for one can create a domino effect that will move mountains for others.
  6. Hamilton is AMAZING! Like other people followed the Grateful Dead and Phish around the county, I need to follow Hamilton. Looking forward to Costa Mesa and Dallas in 2018.
  7. Because someone else is afraid or places limitations on their life does not mean they have the right to place those limitations on mine. “No thank you. You can keep that crazy over there.”

As with any new year, I have an expectation for greater things. One of those great things is a dream deferred and now coming to fruition. Before the end of 2018, I will have my Bachelors degree in Organizational Leadership. I’m excited and looking forward to sharing this accomplishment with my family and friends. But more importantly, I want my experience to be an inspiration especially to women of all ages. That’s part of purpose God has been showing me this year and in 2018 I expect to fully step into what He has called for me to do and those He will send to me to lead.

Cheers, to an incredible 2018 and all that it has to offer.

Posted by: nichole | March 7, 2017

I’m EXHAUSTED

I’m exhausted, y’all. Not literally but figuratively. It’s been a long while since I’ve posted because there has been a lot going on with me. I was laid off from a job, tried to start a venture, had a hard time finding a gig, got a new job and started back to school to get my degree. Whew!

Even in the midst of all that, I’m good. It’s the state of the world particularly what’s happening in the US that’s making me tired. Look, most of what is going on I am not shocked about. Is anyone? I expected it, didn’t you? It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from Maya Angelou,

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

This is why I’m not shocked. Folks have been showing their extra faces and backsides for a very long time. What makes me tired is keeping people accountable specifically those that call themselves Christian.

Let me say this…You cannot pick and choose what fits for you if you call yourself a Christian. Unfortunately a lot of people do. And others have bought the lie.

I was listening to a podcast last week and Reza Aslan said it best, so much so I took notes and I’m writing about it here. Most Americans who call themselves Christians do so as a part of their identity not because of their practice, actions or beliefs. Ask them the last time they went to church, read their Bible (if it’s not on a shelf collecting dust), or even did something kind for their fellow person (can’t say man because some folks take that literal). But when it comes to seeing others in the image of God? Yea, well, that’s a different story.

I say I’m a Christian. I don’t need to tell you what I do but the one thing that I seem to do most often is check myself when I’m not reflecting what I’ve been taught about what a Christian is. Of course being in the Word (the Bible), loving one another, not judging others, and serving others is a big part of this walk. But dangit, I’m not seeing people whose walk matches their talk. I know I don’t have to comment on who I’m talking about, do I?

Genesis 1:27 says “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them, male and female he created them.” Let’s pick out the key words in this verse besides God: mankind, own image, male, female. Does it say a specific race? No. Maybe folks from a specific region? Uh-uh. What about socio-economic status? Oh, not that either.

We are long overdue for some accountability especially when someone says they are Christian. For me, it’s no longer enough to say it. Around me, you better be able to back it up and I’m sorry, being able to quoting scripture is not enough.

Posted by: nichole | April 20, 2016

How would you rate you?

I had a conversation with a young man last week about ratings. He works part-time at Starbucks and mentioned how great it would be if companies could rate customers.
 
ratingsI remember when Yelp came on the scene in full force. The ability to share my thoughts and experiences about places I visited was a major milestone. Unlike times past when my thoughts were regulated to my circle for friends, family and the company with either a sternly worded letter of complaint or in person words of compliment, Yelp along with other sites brought our reviews to the forefront.
 

But let’s go back to reviewing customers. The young man said how SO many customers are rude, disrespectful and just plain nasty. I’ve seen this in full effect. Most of the time, I’m completely shocked at how customers treat those that are there to help, to serve. Granted, in some instances the establishment and their staff could do better but in others, it’s the customers that are the bad egg. Even downright rotten and stinky.

The customer is always right.
I believe I first heard this quote at my first job at McDonald’s. McDonald’s had it’s own university and everything. Customer service was the #1 priority. Take away from the cost and convenience, McDonald’s stood out in service. There was a limit to the number of minutes a car had to wait in drive-thru. If you did wait, the Mickey D’s employee had to run your order to your car. (I know this from personal experience because I got in trouble for not doing this…I sauntered.) McDonald’s even had birthday cakes and parties. (Again, personal experience seeing that I was the birthday hostess at the store I worked AND because I chose to work on my birthday one year, my mom paid for a party that I HAD TO WORK.) As employees we were paid to serve regardless if the customer was “difficult.”.
 
But is the customer always right? Absolutely, positively NOT!
I’ve seen some customers that I wanted to punch out on behalf of the employee. Or, I’ve had that shocked face similar to the Target Lady from SNL:
SNL Target Lady

Ok, maybe she’s not the best example considering the customer service she provides. You get where I’m coming from though, don’t you?

Let’s play, What If?

What if…at every store, hotel, airline, coffee shop or restaurant you frequented you were rated on your attitude, respectfulness, kindness, and attentiveness to the employees of that business?

How would you rate?

What if…as customers we could rate other customers based on our observations. It’s just a hypothetical question. I can only imagine morning commutes and office environments if folks couldn’t get their:

A grande extra hot 2 percent extra foam, half squirt of sugar-free vanilla and a half squirt of hazelnut, in a venti cup and fill up the “room” with extra whipped cream with caramel and chocolate sauce drizzled on top.

Again, what if, a customer knew they were being rated. Do you believe their attitude would change if they knew they were going to be cut-off from their favorite <insert guilty pleasure or necessary life service here>?

For so many, there is a sense of entitlement. I say, get over it. Unless you have access to the ultimate of ultimates, super secret, beyond exclusive, no one but you can have it, you need to kick the idea and the entitled attitude to the curb.

An even better solution is one I learned a long time ago. Maybe you’ve heard of it? The Golden Rule

golden rule

 

I would also say, make sure you can take whatever you are dishing out. “Cause payback…

 

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